I think there's an unwritten rule of urban fantasy (or written, perhaps, somewhere I haven't seen) where you have to make it clear very early both whether or not there's legitimately weird shit in this universe, and, if so, whether or not everyone knows about it. (If it's a horror novel where the main character isn't aware of the existence of the supernatural until much later, then that's a bit different.) That way the reader knows how much disbelief to suspend -- and "oh, they did it with paranormal powers" doesn't just feel like bad writing later.
That said... those four paragraphs were amazingly condescending and wordy. (Maybe in context the protagonist is explaining how the world works to a mundane they don't expect much? Since... saving the author talk down to the reader like that kind of bothers me. "the world you're currently enamored of"? seriously?) I hate to use LKH as a good example for anything, but "Willie McCoy had been a jerk before he died. His being dead didn't changed that." does a much better job of what I think this author is trying to do.
I would love to see you MST this (or other) books! Also, is this a YA book? I can't actually tell.
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I think there's an unwritten rule of urban fantasy (or written, perhaps, somewhere I haven't seen) where you have to make it clear very early both whether or not there's legitimately weird shit in this universe, and, if so, whether or not everyone knows about it. (If it's a horror novel where the main character isn't aware of the existence of the supernatural until much later, then that's a bit different.) That way the reader knows how much disbelief to suspend -- and "oh, they did it with paranormal powers" doesn't just feel like bad writing later.
That said... those four paragraphs were amazingly condescending and wordy. (Maybe in context the protagonist is explaining how the world works to a mundane they don't expect much? Since... saving the author talk down to the reader like that kind of bothers me. "the world you're currently enamored of"? seriously?) I hate to use LKH as a good example for anything, but "Willie McCoy had been a jerk before he died. His being dead didn't changed that." does a much better job of what I think this author is trying to do.
I would love to see you MST this (or other) books! Also, is this a YA book? I can't actually tell.